The Cut That Would Not Stop Bleeding

I sliced my thumb about two weeks ago. It was not pretty. It hurt. It bled. It made a mess, and I had to stop cooking for a little while. I had to figure out how to wash dishes with my left hand. I had to learn how to cope without an important part of my hand. 

For the next several days, I had to clean it and then bandage it back up. I was protecting it from infection. It took time out of my busy day, but I knew that it was worth it. 

I didn't realize how much I depended on my thumb, or how much I bumped it into everything. For the first week, every time I bumped it, I would feel pain. It was sore. 

Today as I look at my thumb, you can see the scar. It's healed up nicely. It isn't sore anymore and a new layer of skin has formed. (I am fearfully and wonderfully made!!) 

God speaks to me in unique ways. For the last two weeks, it's been through this cut on my thumb. Every time I look at it, I think of my own cuts/wounds. Wounds deep in my heart. The ones that most don't know about. 

If I would have ignored that cut on my finger it would have been unable to heal correctly. I had to first acknowledge that I had a cut that needed my attention. I had to put pressure on it to stop the bleeding. I had to clean it out. Rinsing it even though it burned like crazy. I had to realize the time it took every day to clean out and bandage my thumb was WORTH  IT. Sure, it may have eventually healed without long lasting effects. The healing would have taken longer, though. My thumb would probably not be a "small scar" but would be "a small, twisted, ugly scar". 

I think that's just like our hearts. We get hurt. We live in a world where sinful people live. People say and do dumb, hurtful things. What do we do with those hurts? Do we just try and ignore it? Not even really acknowledging that we felt hurt by a choice someone made. Do we believe the lie that we don't have time to deal with it? Or that it will hurt too much to "clean it out"? 

What happens to those cuts or wounds in our heart? Most will probably heal. They may look like an ugly, twisted scar but they will probably still heal. It will just be more evident that you had a cut there. The scar will be more pronounced. But what about those deep wounds? The wounds that need a DOCTOR'S attention? The ones that need stitches or staples to put it back together? The ones that require a deep, painful cleansing. They can't be ignored. They will continue to bleed and be a constant reminder of that hurt. If you bump it, it will pour out. It won't just sting a little. It will hurt badly. 

Those are the dangerous wounds. The wounds that need THE doctor's touch. They need to be cleaned, stiched up, and watched closely. 

I have had to deal with my own deep wounds. My own deep heartache. Some of those wounds I let simmer for years. Some I wasn't even aware about. I thought that I was feeling a small cut, but when I sat down before Him, I realized the DEPTH of the cut. I had tried to bandage it up. Ignore it. If someone did something hurtful and "bumped" into it, it would feel SO hurtful. In reality, it may been something small, but it hurt so much because of the deep, festering wound underneath it.  

I had deep hurts that I didn't address. They simmered. They bled. They oozed bitterness, loneliness, rejection, insecurity, anger, and unforgiveness. It eventually made my life dark...

And that is where I found myself 1.5 years ago, in utter darkness.